Mascot Mayhem

Fuming, Jake peeled the lower half of the bear body off and left it in a heap on the floor. Sure, I’ll help the guys get ready, he thought. The crowd is in for a show they won’t soon forget.

WHOMP, SCHOOMP, WHOMP, SCHOOMP the music boomed through the PA system. “All right folks that completes the first half: Grizzlies 44; Hawks 32. Your Grizzlies are just two quarters away from securing a playoff spot. Are you ready for the halftime mascot game?” The crowd roared and clapped.

“Here’s the green team:

“Here’s Grizzly.” A growl followed.

“Wheels from William’s Tire shop.” The screech of tires blared over the PA system.

“A hometown favorite, Tiny the Tiger from Talcot Junior High.” A roar followed.

“Shelby the Shetland Pony from the Country Feed and Supply store.” The sound of clip, clop, clip, clop followed. “Oh, my folks. We need a cleanup crew on the court.”

The crowd uttered “Ewe” in unison. A ball kid ran out to Shelby with a broom and dustpan, but turned and ran back. A man supervising the ball kids grabbed the broom and dustpan from the him and ran out to Shelby. He scooped up fake poop from behind the pony who had run off.

The announcer cleared his throat. “She just couldn’t wait, poor thing.” The crowd laughed. “And finally, Sparky from Johnson’s Auto Repair.” As Sparky ran out and joined his team, a flash emitted from the top of its costume.

“And now for the purple team:

“Hawk.” A screech followed making the young ones in the crowd grab their ears.

“Bobber from Billy’s Bait shop.” A ‘school’ of orange clad grade school aged kids with arms outstretched and hands clasped in front of them followed behind. “Nice job little fishies.”

“Romeo’s Pizza.” Someone dressed in a chef’s hat ran out as a sound track of ‘Oh, yum yum!’ followed.

“Carson the Cookie from Carson’s Bakery.” The crowd uttered ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’

“Stinger the Hornet for Stinger’s Pest Control.”

“Uh, oh. It looks like Grizzly and Hawk put on the wrong jerseys.” The two mascots pointed at each other and shook their heads. Then they started pulling off their jerseys. Stripper music began to play. “Whoa, stop!” The mascots froze in their tracks. “This is a family event. You’ll have to swap teams.”

Grizzly and Hawk point at each other before getting into jump ball position. Hawk tapped the ball away from Grizzly. Shelby caught it and ran towards the basket. A ball kid suddenly raced onto the court and threw a bucket of water on the back of Stinger. Grizzly swatted at Stinger’s backside to knock a sparkler on to the floor before stomping it.

“Sparky, did you get too close to Stinger?” Asked the PA announcer. Sparky shrugged. Without warning, Grizzly ran off court to the locker room. The ball kids and their managers rushed out onto the court to wipe up the puddle.

Gary barely returned to the locker room before yanking Grizzly’s head off. He threw it at Jake as he ran to a toilet and lost his dinner.

Mr. Collins breathlessly trailed behind. “Gary, come on man! What are you doing? Everyone’s waiting!” he shouted between gasps as he leaned on a row of lockers.

“I told you he was sick,” Jake said.

“Fine. Help me get Gary out of Grizzly’s costume. You’ll have finish as Grizzly,” Mr. Collins said.

“GRIZZLY! GRIZZLY! GRIZZLY!” The crowd shouted. This is my moment, Jake thought.

“Hurry up. Half time will be over before you finish dressing,” said Mr. Collins

“I’m hurrying.” Jake threw the head on as he approached the entrance to the court. The crowd cheered. He waved his arms up and down and held a paw to the mascot’s ear. The crowd’s volume increased.

Grizzly caught the ball and dunked it in the wrong basket. The crowd groaned.

The PA announcer taunted, “Did you forget you’re playing for the purple team, Grizzly?”

Grizzly looked down at his jersey and clamped the sides of his head. He motioned for a teammate to toss him the ball. He ran to the other basket and dunked it. The crowd roared their approval.

Wanting an even bigger reaction, Grizzly pushed a rolling ladder over to the purple team’s basket. He climbed to the top and put one foot on either side of the hoop. The crowd gasped. He stood up on the hoop and motioned for the ball. Carson the Cookie threw the ball. Grizzly missed. The still wet bottoms of Grizzly’s feet slipped and both went into the hoop.

The crowd gasped. Grizzly was stuck inside the hoop halfway up his shins. He swayed to and fro before settling into a semi standing position. “Oh, my,” the PA announcer exclaimed. “Stay in your seats folks. Help is on the way.”

Someone slid the ladder over to the hoop, but couldn’t get close enough to place it under mascot’s feet. The two ball kid managers climbed to the top and stabilized Grizzly. Four paramedics rushed onto the court.

The crowd murmured amongst themselves. Some shook their heads. While others pulled out their phones, recorded, and posted the embarrassing incident. The other mascots stood in a semicircle near half court watched the spectacle.

Two paramedics climbed to the top of a second ladder and attempted to push one of Grizzly’s feet back through the hoop while the mangers kept Grizzly stable. When that leg didn’t budge, they tried the other. It didn’t move. They shook their heads and shrugged.

WHOOMP, SCHOOMP, WHOOMP, SCHOOMP began playing and the remaining mascots danced to fill time. Two maintenance workers came out and consulted with the paramedics. While managers maintained a grip on Grizzly, the maintenance crew slowly lowered the hoop. Someone drove a forklift from a nearby construction project into the arena. The lift was raised high with a board sitting across the forks.

Once Grizzly’s feet touched the board, they again tried to pull him out of the hoop. No luck. The maintenance workers removed the hoop from the support. Then Grizzly and a paramedic were lowered to the floor. The mascot was loaded onto a waiting gurney and whisked away. The other mascots trailed off to the locker room.

“Folks, I was just told the game cannot continue because there’s no spare hoop. Unfortunately, even though the Grizzlies were ahead, a delay of game has been called. The officials decided Hawks win because Grizzly interfered with the hoop.”

Hawks fans cheered. Some Grizzlies fans dropped on to the bleachers in disbelief while others booed. Players and coaches from both teams stood in awe of the final result.

Mr. Collins and Gary stood at the entrance to the arena. Gary feebly patted him shoulder. “Well, that gives new meaning to the phrase ‘March Madness’.”